Published on May 18, 2004 By DancingCamel In Personal Relationships
We had such an argument last night. More like mostly him verbally venting such anger and hostility toward me. He bottles it all up then explodes. His self medicating doesn't help - he remembers differently and/or just doesn't remember things either he or I have said. He admitted to self medicating intentionally to tune me out. I don't know now if counseling is going ot help us stay together. I am not as hopeful as I was last week. Our first counseling session is tomorrow. He's expecting the therapist to tell him why he should stay in this relationship. A therapist won't tell him what to do...he has to make that decision on his own.

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

Comments
on May 18, 2004
I saw the title of my favorite Beatles song and had to take a peek... I'm glad to see the lyrics here but...

If you're not married I say leave. If you're married... geez. I know it takes a person about a year of livng the change before they're changed. IF someone claims to be changed (for future reference) remember that it takes a year of PROOF. I don't know anything about you so I don't know how you'll receive any of my advice. If you don't like my advice please just delete it and we'll both be happy. If you don't want it, delete now.

I believe a woman can live in such a way as to coax her husband to come to her side. Not by force or by nagging or by blaming or anything else... just modeling what she'd like from him. She may have to do this while separated but still reaching out to him... I don't know how to make it work in your case because I don't know enough about you.

I was abused verbally, psychologically, and increasingly physically for two years. This shattered who I was. I left after I saw that he was a danger to my new daughter. This wasn't easy but I know it was right. I wish I'd never married him but a fat lot of good wishing can do now. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin. Just don't repeat mistakes and take lots of time to heal if it goes that route, as it did with me. If you can avoid divorce, I applaud you. God hates divorce because it rips people apart. If you've got no children, perhaps it might be worthwhile to consider after all else has failed before you bring children into the picture.

Camel lady, I will pray for you. Find where you've gone wrong and seek to mend that. humble yourself and allow healing to take place if it can at all. Find solace in God. This may be a good time to talk to your religious leader. God bless you...
on May 18, 2004
Thank you for your advice and sharing your personal story. I don't believe that you have to know someone well (or at all) to just show basic human kindness and/or concern for someone. I thank you.