Let It Go

In You, I See Me

Published on May 18, 2004 By DancingCamel In Personal Relationships

I have various songs and music wandering in and out of my head today. Maybe I should listen more closely & take them as 'a sign' from God/Creator/the Universe. I enjoy live music. I believe music can be, and for me, is, very healing. My main musical taste is rooted along the lines of jam bands. Think Grateful Dead. Phish. String Cheese Incident. New Monsoon. A host of others, but you get the drift.

I came home today and he was here, working. Not at the bar drinking for 2 hours then coming home to drink more. He didn't drink at all today. I'm glad. Skeptical, but glad. I hate to say skeptical, but I'm not sure how long this will last. Sounds like a harsh thing to say, but if you've never been around anyone with a drinking problem for any length of time, then it's difficult to understand. I know a little about it because I had a problem myself in my early 20s. Hence, I do not drink very often anymore. He did apologize last night. But there's a point where you think Sure, until next time. That's the point I hit last night. He apologized again this morning. Maybe he could tell how I felt, I don' t know. I had to leave or be late for work.

At any rate, it's been a strangely normal evening. He didn't hide out in the computer room working and drinking beer, or take his dinner plate to eat in front of the computer. He came & ate with me for a change. We watched TV together. We laughed at stuff on TV, and at our pet rabbit's antics as he ran around the living room. Tomorrow's the first counseling session. Drinking will be addressed. Of course it's an issue. Not our only one by far, but a contributing factor to several. Plus I just don't want to see him hurt himself like this. It's not healthy, physically or mentally.

Musical interlude courtesy of the String Cheese Incident - Let It Go

The more that I take,
the less that I feel,
The more that I see,
the less that seems real.

I look to you,
to make me whole,
to give me strength,
take me home.

The more that I know,
the less that I feel,
The more that I feel,
the less that I see.

You give to me,
the breathe we share,
I touch your lips,
I know you're there.

Chorus:
In you I see me,
I Love you,
so deeply,
Let it go,
so completely,
So openly

The more that I do,
the less that I feel,
I more that I see,
the less that seems real.

I look to you,
to make me whole,
to give me strength,
take me home.

Chorus:
ohhhh, ohhh, ohhh
let it go

(repeat 4x)

I realize that it must sound like I'm trapped in some sort of abusive relationship. I feel the need to say I'm not. I've already been down that road with my first husband (emotionally & mentally abusive) & walked away from it (divorce). SO is not my legal husband, hence why I say 'SO' (significant other). Common law may be an easy way to explain it, but still not really accurate - tho sometimes it's easier for people to grasp. I call him many things. Husband, partner, soulmate, boyfriend, other half, my old man. I use all these terms interchangeably. There are times when they all feel to be the same, and times when they aren't.

Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow

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